What Someone Said About Love

"I think love is all the things you do to make someone else happy."

There is heart stirring truth in this comment. Love is about giving of yourself for others. That is all there is to say. I want to live by this love.

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

What You Mean To Me

The clouds drift on by, the moon is gleaming bright above. Ink pools around it and all the smaller points of light that are the stars. The stars… How many are there? My heart is melting, someone's smelting. To tell me these tears of joy are shed in vain would make me laugh.

I can't convey, more than the ocean can say, how deep are the depths or how much salt it holds. Can I make out the dimmest stars? Can I see what they do? Can I tell who they are? Can I tell if it's you? Let me tell you a story, let me sing you a song. Just twenty-one years, is that so long?

How can I thank you all, or let you know what you've meant? How much breath would it take, is it time well spent?

…The answer is yes. You are all my stars that God has dotted in my sky, and I'll take comfort in that fact till the day I die.

Mom, I can't say how much you've meant to me. You've always been willing to teach even when I wasn't willing to learn. You were always more patient with me than I deserved, and I like to think I've returned the favor. ;) You're the best mom in the whole wide world, and that's never going to change. Because you taught me, more than anything else, how to love.

Alice, you're nearer and dearer than I think even you know. You were my first best friend, you were the first one I ever gladly listened to. I believe you touched my heart, sister, and I think I definitely touched yours. What I saw there will always be my secret and something I'll never quite fathom. All sparkles and star bursts and beautiful light.

Alex, its been rough, but I've always secretly enjoyed our disastrous adventures. And even I didn't always laugh, I did always smile. Thank you for being the wild card when I needed one, and showing me the rock when I needed that too.

Peter, I shall always consider you a near and dear companion on this road we're traveling. You helped me to learn to communicate, through all the tears and struggles, laughter and dreams. I saw your darkest side, and I saw you let God blow him away. I'll never forget that as long as I live.

Dad, how many lessons have you taught me without knowing I was even paying attention? You've led me along these treacherous paths, teaching me how to be cautious and what pitfalls to avoid. God has shaped me through you as iron on iron, and I am and always will be proud to be called your son. Because, more than anything else, you taught me humility.

Susie, girl, you're like the twin I never had. We screamed, we fought, we laughed, we cried. I speak your language best of all five, sister, and it makes me smile even now thinking of things we can say without saying a thing. Our journey hasn't seemed so long, but what I've learned from you is gold: how to give one's self away and live every day in the Spirit of God. Granted, we're still learning, but I know you'll always inspire me and I hope I do the same for you.

Rachael, my love, you mean more to me than life itself. You're my fare haired beauty, my strong right hand. I love our chats and I love our walks. I love writing with you and dancing with you. I love listening to you and talking at you. God gave my heart away to and I'll never get it back. That fact makes me happier than anything else in the whole world. I want to marry you, sweetstuff. I want to grow old with you and dance forever. <3

Hatter, you're an awesome, close friend. I couldn't ask for better. You catch more than I could ever throw, and, just so you know, you're the first. I love the laughs we've had, as well as the really strange conversations. I hope you'll always stay close, even if we're miles away.

Tall PM, you push and inspire me. Watching and listening to you I've learned more than I ever did in college. You have an amazing heart, wrought with fire by God. You make me yearn for the same. I hope to always learn from you and help you, as well as get help, with writing. You have my deepest respect, sir.

Daniel G, you make me laugh. You've expanded my horizons in good ways, even though you feel so much younger than me. You're a dear friend, and a thoughtful one. Our conversations have gone far and wide, although they don't always feel very real. They're getting there, though. You're an invaluable ally and I hope you see me as the same.

Isaac P, you amaze me. All you've done… I almost wish I'd grown up as fast as you. Man, you are truly a great friend, and I want someday to prove myself the same.

Mariel 7, your wry humor was so much fun. Our opinions might not have always lined up, but you were an inspiration to me. Even though we've fallen out of touch I hope you hold most of the memories of me as fondly as I do those of you. I shall always be glad that we got to be friends.

Dragon, thank you for everything. No matter what happened, I can still smile thinking about all the fun we had. All the adventures we played at… God taught me how to properly dream through you, and how to hope for what may seem impossible. You were always a better friend than you were anything else, and I feel privileged to know you that way.

Preacherman, how dangerously strong you are… I wonder if you know? You have the heart of a lion, and God will use you for great things. Abide in Him and He will make you more fruitful than anyone else. You inspire me to run courageously. I'm so thankful that God let me get to know you.

How can I say everything? I can't. And I feel far too inadequate to tell everyone even the little bit that I've said here. Mike, Kevin, Vince, words fail to convey what you guys' friendship has meant to me. Collision (all the original people along with those that have clung on till the present), Co-op friends, my Church family, how can I put what you've all meant to me? Can I tell you all how God has used you, time and time again, to light my sky like a million different stars? Anyone who has brushed my shoulder, or blindly bumped into my heart… I want to say thank you. Thank you all for letting God use you.

Someday I'll have all the words. Someday I'll remember every event, every instant that God used you all to light up my world. I'll be able to say thank you in person, and the glory will go to God, and we'll all laugh and cry together over every instant like it in everyone's life who ever was or will be. We'll finally be able to see each other's hearts, and by than God will have made them gold.

Be Still And Know…

"Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" - Psalm 46:10

Have you ever done that? Gone out to be alone, be quiet, to be still as a way of getting to know God? It is so comforting, and if you haven't I must suggest that you aggressively pursue making time to do it. To sit still in the heights of a tree on a warm evening as the sun goes down and to just be quiet before Him. Slowly everything comes into focus. The breeze that's rocking you, He made that. The bird that just flew by, He's watching it's every move. Even the tree that you're sitting in He has complete dominion over, authorizing, and shaping all it's growth throughout all it's years. God is in control and He will be exalted among the nations and in all the earth, and I find that thought supremely comforting.

All your cares pass away,
All your worries move on.
All the troubles of the day,
Are just simply gone.


PS.


"If you have never jumped down into a tree-house and found yourself facing off with a swarm of angry hornets whose nest you just disturbed then you have yet to experience the true heights of spine-numbing terror." - me.

"And if you have yet to eat a scorpion, encased in a lollipop or no, you have yet to plum the depths of utterly disgusting." - me again.

EVERYTHING Is Fixed

There was once a summer where the skies seemed brighter. The trees seemed lusher and the scents stronger. The grass was greener and the water bluer, which I didn't quite believe possible 'till I saw it for myself. I was punting down a canal-like inlet in the middle of the Reedy Wetland, trying to reach a friend's hole on time. I was late because I'd forgotten where I'd left my hat and my friend was a mouse, currently engaged in drawing a manga.

Everyone knows that you never go punting in the Reedy Wetland without a hat, and I wasn't about to be the exception. Even so, I was still kicking myself over possibly being late and was rushing as fast as I dared through the bluer water. This is not a particularly safe thing to do, considering the Vivacious Algea, but under the circumstances it didn't seem I had a choice. Still, my spirits were high. It was sure to be an enjoyable party, even though we were secretly not partying at all.

I docked my boat along the mouse's quaint little dock and stepped quickly to her door. She was never one to admonish indiscreetly, but just imagining the look she'd give me if I was delayed a second longer added urgency to my knock. The door flew back as if she'd been standing there with her paw on the handle. "Why, Fox!" she cried amiably. "I didn't expect you to be first."

I stepped past her into the hall, noting the disapproving droop in her whiskers and counting myself lucky that that was all that was in the droop. "You mean Daner W isn't here yet?" I asked, only removing my hat once the door was safely closed.

"No, Hatta hasn't arrived yet," she replied quietly, turning to lead the way toward the kitchen.

I raised an eyebrow. "Is the use of his real name discreet?"

She ignored my whisper, loudly changing the subject. "I'm so glad you could get away for tea! And I know how you're fond of sugar so I took special care with the sugar bowl for this occasion."

I laughed. Mouse was feeling daring. "Good. I see by your clock I'm only two minutes late. Daner shouldn't be long behind me. In the meantime can you show me your rough sketches? I've been dying to see them!"

Mouse shook her head vehemently as she fetched the tea from the stove. "Absolutely not! Rough sketches are for the artist's eyes only. Finished ones are for viewing."

She began to pour two cups, hiding what she murmured next in the gurgling of the liquid. "The Algea has been thick of late next to the Painters Window! Will She be safe?"

I knocked the table, shacking with mirth as if she'd said something funny. Inwardly the news was tearing me up. "I think taking care of one's self is a harder skill to measure than most people would imagine," I replied. "After all, the very nature of the skill requires that one be on their own, therefore making observation trying, if not impossible. However, I think our friend manages wonderfully when she has to."

A thump from the next room drew both of our attentions. Mouse, as I recall, gripped the tea pot menacingly, and, as there came another thump from beyond the adjacent door, I began to wish I had left my hat on. One more thump later and the door flew open and in stumbled Hatta. He looked wet and bedraggled, with Algea clinging and squirming vivaciously all over his person and with his hair sticking out in ever direction from underneath his top hat. The hat was dry, though, and he was holding it firmly on his head. There was an arrow sticking out of it.

"Hatta!" Mouse cried, running and embracing him tightly. She couldn't hide the squeaky catch in her voice.

"I've arrived!" he panted, adjusting his dripping glasses. "Have you started without me?"

I plopped four sugar cubes into my cup. "Didn't really get to. Did you, by any chance, come through the Piano Room window?"

"Had to. I couldn't imagine another way in, what with the Water Guard chasing me. That window is well hidden in a cozy nook of grass that they'll never suspect."

The Mouse was all concern as she held him at paw-length. "Hatta! The Water Guard?! Did they hurt you?!"

"No, no, it's okay, Mouse," he replied soothingly. "My hat helped. But I fear our Tea Party will necessarily have to be brief. Have you the Raven?"

"It's in the writing desk," she whispered. "I'll fetch it. Did you manage to get the message through?"

In answer he took his hat off, pulled the arrow out, and withdrew a manila envelope. "Did one better. I fetched back a reply."

Meanwhile I was downing my tea and standing. "If the Water Guard are as close as you say, we're in danger. I should go out to see if I can't thwart them. They don't know my real alliances. Can I read that letter as Mouse gets the Raven?"

Hatta blinked his cool blue eyes at me. "Do me a favor first, old man. Touch your dominate knee with your dominate forefinger."
I smiled at him and answered carefully, "Only, good sir, if you first do me the honor of glancing down my dominate ear with your dominate eye."
He nodded and handed the envelope over. It was a little worse for the wear, smudged with dirt and with an arrow hole through it. I slid it carefully open and read over the contents as best I could. "It's as I feared… If we don't do something the whole of the West Forest, even as lush as it is, will be up in arms!"
"Or up in flames," Hatta said quietly.
Mouse came back holding a statue of a bird. I sighed, moving toward the hall. "I'd like to know that's secrets as well, but I'd better hurry. Just don't forget to tell me next time we meet! I'll honk once if I get them after me, and twice if they're headed for you two. …Oh, and be good, by the way."
"Fox!" Mouse cried admonishingly, but I was already getting my hat and opening the front door.

Evening colors were invading the sky, turning it all pink and purple. The crickets sang among the reeds and the frogs were quietly square dancing up and down a nearby isthmus. I nodded at them politely and then hurried down the dock. I was suddenly hoping that Hatta remembered to remove the Vivacious Algae before the spines got to him, but knew deep down that Mouse wouldn't let him forget.

Suddenly a whistle sounded behind me, in the grass. I un-looped my boats hold rope and punted free, into the current. Looking back nonchalantly I spied the five Water Guard scurrying up to the water. I waved to them, then took off as fast as I could go, careless of the Algae. Who cares about the Algae! I thought. If she can head through dangerous waters for the cause, then by yiminey, so can I! Besides, I've been in need of a new boat for awhile now…


Noting that the Water Guard were all now in the water, speeding after me, I casually gave my boat horn a long squeeze and then waved at them again. The Water Guard had very tough exteriors, but on the inside they were fragile as glass. Wave impudently at them and speed off and they were sure to give chase in a hot rage.

There was a splash off the port side. Glancing that way I saw her, skimming through the bluer water. My knuckles went white as I gripped my pole, and I quietly held my breath. She swam under my boat, surfacing and leaning up over the side.

"Mermy! It's so good to see you! What on earth are you doing here?" I whispered frantically at her.
She brushed her long, golden, wet hair out of her face, looking up at me in confusion. "What? Oh! You're leading those Water Guard off the scent, aren't you?"
I couldn't help but smile down at her as I punted. "Yes, dear. Mouse is giving Hatta the Raven. I'm ever so glad to see you're alright! I was worried after hearing what Mouse had to say."
"Shouldn't you be afraid of being seen with me?" she asked coyly.
"Not in the least! How could I be when I love you? Besides, the Water Guard are always dreadfully short-sighted."
She playfully splashed me with her fins. The twinkle in her pearl-blue eyes enraptured me for a second…
"Fox! I said, how can I help?!"
"Oh, sorry. Um, can you give me some extra speed? I think they're gaining… Also, once we're far enough away from Mouse's you can help me direct these guys through a few of the roughest patches of Algae. That ought to slow them up and let us get away!"
She smiled, heading gracefully around the back of the boat. "I thought you'd have a plan, dearest. You always do, when you're not distracted."
"Hey! You're right, though… Want to grab some pizza after this? I know the best little Italian place! Candles, checkered tablecloths, vodka, the works!"
I could feel her eyes narrowing at my back. "You promised me…"
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding!"
"Why on earth would you suggest we go for pizza on a dire evening like this, anyways?"
"You can't guess?"
"…The owner is an old, dear friend and contact isn't he?"
"Really, the most amiable, loyal Italian you'll ever meet! But come, love, tell me about your adventures. Did you learn anything? Did you succeed? Did you get hurt?"
At this last question I glanced anxiously back at her, but she was all smiles. "Worried?"
"Of course I was!"
This got a laugh. Then she started her tale as we both continued to propel us through the bluer water. There were things she'd overheard that I dare not repeat and near scrapes that I cringed at the telling of. But all in all my dearest mermaid took care of herself quite well, something I was sure of all along, deep down inside.

And in the end we had pizza at the Italian place, laughing and chatting and exchanging invaluable information that would ultimately save the nation. It was not a summer day that I could ever easily forget.

And now if you've read to the very end of this blog, bravo! Here's the link to my recently published (two days ago) and now available book, The Flying Fix-it Shop! http://www.amazon.com/The-Flying-Fix-it-Shop-ebook/dp/B007XCW9AM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1335548787&sr=8-1
 If you enjoyed this sample of writing, then buy it and enjoy a better, more well-rounded story of mine.

Post Publishing Problems

Well, guys, I'm published! That doesn't mean the problems have ended, though! The book is up on Amazon.com, but it says it's "unavailable in the United States." I'm currently republishing it to see if that helps and I've sent a query off to Amazon itself to see what the problem is. Bear with me as I bear with Amazon. I should hopefully have my book available for purchase in the next few days. …I hope.

Wednesday Evening…

Imagine for a minute that you're standing seven thousand and two feet above a horseshoe shaped waterfall with only an inch and a half rope between you and certain death. Your arms are out for balance and your toes are gripping the rope with, somehow, practiced ease. You lift your head, straightening your shoulders, and take a deep breath. Cold and clear, the air is filled with atomized water. The roar of the falls is all around, disappearing and reappearing with the whim of your ears.

Wasn't that fun? We played with perspective! First, the idea of dying, then the thought that you could, somehow, do this and live. Then, of course, the inevitable description of your beautiful surroundings, trying to take you there but only really succeeding in bringing you so far as the art museum of your mind's eye. That can either destroy or strengthen the perspectives established before, depending on how good your imagination is. And how good is your imagination, Sesame Street Gen?

Enough of all that, though. I actually need to run… I shouldn't be blogging at all… But I am, and all I really wanted to say was, I AM PUBLISHING TODAY!!! That's right, Amazon Direct Publishing is grinding away on my book as I type! It's going to be up at 6PM! Isn't that exciting!! That's why I'm using all these exclamation points!! Cause I'm excited!! See?!?!

Anyways, I go. I'll keep you updated, people, but go look for my book on the Kindle store after 6PM! It's called The Flying Fix-it Shop.

Hitting Walls

So I officially finished my book, people! Months ago… The problem now is getting it published. With the wonderful invention of the Kindle (and Kindle software that will run on just about anything) and the glorious ease of KDP (Kindle Direct Publishing) I thought, "This won't be a problem!" Boy was I wrong!


I keep making progress, slow but sure, but if anything this whole process has shown how badly life can get in the way sometimes. It's like a brick wall that sprouts out of the ground and beats you in the face. Or like a work schedule that does the same thing. Or closing on a house, or college, or relationship issues, or a bathroom remodel project thats been lingering like the devil for the past few years. Actually, it's worse than the devil. Cause you can get the devil to flee and this bathroom just sits there. o_0

There are life lessons here! I know it! Like, how to manage one's time better and when it's better to hire someone to get the work done and when it's not. But I'm almost too frustrated to care! I think the last thing I need to do is put up an excerpt for the website we're prepping… That's if I ignore the correction notes coming in from my test audience and just publish asap. -_-

I'd tentatively like to shoot for Wednesday (This one, the 25th), but if not maybe this weekend… Maybe? Please? I understand that's unprofessional but again I don't care! At this point I'm just begging God to let it happen! Preferably soon. Maybe I'm supposed to be learning patience…

Anyways, I'll keep you all posted as this struggle with my book and life and walls and bathrooms continues. Any prayers for me would be greatly appreciated.

Closer To Love

Meet me once again,

Down off Lake Michigan,

Where we can feel the storm blown down with the wind.

Closer To Love - Mat Kearney

Maybe I'm too self focused. maybe I'm too focused on my fiancée (which isn't possible, by the way). But this song makes me think of her and me. ^__^ <3 And makes me think of how God pulled us together.

It doesn't seem to matter how far away I stray.

God always pulls me closer to love anyway.

Thank you so much, God, for keeping me in Your Hand. And for teaching me the ways of true, self-sacrificial Love.

Change

Where are the dust moats, that hung in the air?
Where are the sailboats that floated by the Sare?
The children are gone, their songs are sung.
The clocks are dead, the chimes all rung.

The wind is blown out, the leaves have turned.
And the hearts of men doubt what they have learned.
Knowledge is passing, prophecies few…
What is there that lasts longer than dew?

We yearn for eternal, but what ever is?
Nothing but Love and this we miss.
We don't want to change, but change we will.
And He that will never we long to change still.

Broken is Folly, yet we cling to her to define.
Having given up on changing to find the Divine.
We excuse ourselves with lymrics, with our clever rhymes.
And think ourselves justified by voicing the sign of the times.

"Two things are forever, and these two will never change!
The unlimitedness of God's perfection and man's limits in that range."
But while this is true, there's something that sets us free.
God can get us through to where we're supposed to be!

Unchanging, we are changed. Insane, we find our minds.
Eternal Love came from eternity to open eyes so blind.
We are raised from our graves, in an instant transformed.
With man this is impossible, but with God nothing is forlorn.

What's Free?

I'm in the last steps. This journey is so close to finished. Everything is falling into place, changing and molding into what it has to be. I'm literally a click away from publishing (although I still need those URLs and stuff up first…) but suddenly I pause. My expectations over the last month have been shattered and re-worked and forced to given in here and take more there, but this last give makes me stop. It's about price.

It seems that I can't put my Kindle up for free on Amazon… The lowest I can go is $0.99. After all the angsting I did over motives, and deciding that publishing my book would not be about money I find it very annoying that this is a snag. I had wanted to put my book up for free for the first month, just to let it get out there and clearly say, "look, this isn't about money for me, it's about communicating the hope freely given to me." But now I'm thwarted…

I'm gonna Do more research before I give up, but for now it looks like the beginning price is gonna have to be $0.99.

Into The Fog Flavored Milkshake We Fall

It was more of a float, which is almost a way of describing it all. Almost, but not quite. So we do this fog filled dance, asking questions like: "Why no lemon?" "Who is that six-foot bunny?" "And what's that funny smell in the room?"

In the long term, though, I'd like to address world hunger, brain freeze, and brain burn. World Hunger, I'm so sorry for your loss. Brain Freeze, if you stop paying the rent, I can throw you out. Brain Burn, What about the old stand by, 'Ode to Joy'? No? Oh, well. I don't know what to say…

The fog is lifting… I can almost see enough to land this thing on the Danube. Now, here's hoping the water ain't choppy.

The last preparations are going in, and one of the last things needs doing is buying URLs. Sadly, that's a bit of a wild card.

You see, I need the consultation of my brother. And he's in Cleveland. You also, surely by now, see how much I say, 'you see,' don't you? Or do you? You would if you'd seen the bunny… Was his name Harvey? Or Frank…?

So, basically, I need to work out a time we can both (my brother and I) work this out. But, since everything has been falling together like fog flavored milkshakes through one's brain, my main focus is gonna be keeping my reasons straight. The reason for publishing. The reason for working. The reason for waking up each morning. And the reason for not drinking milkshakes. The reason is my Blessed Redeemer, Jesus Christ. You are my God and my Rock and my Light. You, alone, shine through the thickest of my fogs. Flavored, or no.

Don't Look A Blog Horse In The Mouth. Or In The Eyes, For That Matter

Folks, hopefully within a week, two at most, I will have my book up on Kindle! The Flying Fix-it Shop has been a long time coming, but it's made for a lot of practice in a lot of areas. Writing, first and foremost, but also editing and collaborating and I can't ignore the learning process of venturing into Kindle Direct Publishing for the first time.

Today (right now) I'm looking into a navigable table of contents that will make my e-book an breeze to read. Hopefully… it will be easy. Sadly, it will not. I have found out that I need to painstakingly go through my book document and make my chapters a specific heading number, which requires changing the font back and the font size back and the alignment back and taking it off bold. Soooooo frustrating! Luckily, I only have 23 chapters. …I need a break.

Finally! That only stole about two hours of my life (the table of contents, that is, not the break). And I'm still not sure it worked right… The links are clickable, working fine and everything, but for heaven's sake don't try to change the background color. -_- Anyways, I should go mow the lawn. I'm sure my troubles with the Table of Contents have only just begun, and I need something to take my frustration out on.

Something New, Something Old. Something Flew, So Take Hold

Some say that those that say too much having nothing left to say at all. Others point out that those that don't say don't have practice saying, so when they want to they don't know how. Both views are valid in different ways, and I think what I take from them is, "Choose your words carefully, but don't be afraid of saying what needs to be said when the time comes."

Cause the time will come and the time will go, and you'll either be left wondering if you said the right thing, knowing that you did, or knowing that you didn't. Now, I should say here that I'm a divided man. I want to believe the latter point of view more, because it hits closer to home. I always have, and always will have, trouble saying what I want to say. I find it easier to remain silent and let the moment slip by. But I cannot ignore the former point of view either, because I feel that in forcing myself to say I'll forget and say too much. Also, it's wisdom mentioned in the Bible, and one ignores that at one's peril (Proverbs 10:19).

But I have been extremely blessed. After I gave myself over to God, He started looking after my words. I can still slip up, but too often I somehow manage to say the perfect thing. I know it's not me. I know me. God grants me the ability to communicate far more than I ever intend, getting across the message I didn't even know I needed to get across.

My favorite recent example of this happened in February. The time came and the time went and I know I said the right thing. It was dreadfully important to. So much so that I was getting goosebumps, shivering, and just generally feeling so anxious I couldn't think. Not the ideal set up for saying the right thing, right? But God pulled it off, and I'm forever thankful.

You see, I was going to propose. She's the dearest, sweetest, most understanding woman in the whole world, but I still needed it to be perfect. Because I knew how much it would matter to her. Woman, correct me if I'm wrong, but proposals, good or bad, are remembered forever. They can either be the cherry on top, the gorgeous diamond on the finger that crowns the relationship, or the half-hearted, almost deal-like dry handshake that sticks in one's craw. Not that a lot of that isn't mental acrobatics on the part of the female that they can turn upside-down if they so choose. But it needs to be said that it matters to them.

Therefore, it mattered to me too to make it perfect. I wanted to show her how much I cared in that momentous moment that would decide the direction of the rest of our lives. And God granted me success, past the goosebumps, through the shivering, and foregoing all anxiety. He got me dressed up, took me out into the snow, guided me down on one knee, and prompted me to ask the question that can never be taken back. That age old phrase that was so perfect in that moment, "Will you marry me?"

Everything that evening was perfect. Wonderful. We danced, we laughed, we took pictures. It was a gorgeous thing to be a part of, and I'm so thankful to God for giving me this wonderful woman as a part of my life. I do not deserve her, or the Grace that God works through me to treat her so gently, to treat her the way she ought to be treated.

Saying the right thing matters. It matters more than worrying about saying too much, and far more than worrying about saying too little. (Proverbs 25:11)

If Life Gives You Roses, Make Rosade.

I was going to write something fun and witty and happy here, but then my computer died as I began the first sentence. -_- My mood plummeted faster than the crown of a tree struck by lightning. Now all I want to write here is a snarky summary of the terrible series of events that led to my moody fall so that you'll pity me, understand my plight, and maybe even laugh along with my misadventures. That last one is probably the best I can hope for…

Needless to say, life hasn't handed me roses. It handed me lemons, then stole the sugar with a satanic laugh and a swirl of its black cape. Now, if you know me I like my sugar. Especially in my tea and my lemonade. In fact, I can't drink lemonade without sugar cause it just sets my teeth on edge.

I'm struggling with my mood, struggling with not telling all the woeful wrongs done to me right now… But you know what? I'm gonna let it go. All of it. Right now! I'm gonna take these lemons and make rosade! =D The devil can have that sugar, I'll just go get some more!

Too simple sounding, right? right. Well, God gives me the sugar. And the roses for that matter. People, I'm working on publishing my first book! That's right, publishing! Before you get too excited, I'm self publishing. And now before you get too dismissive I'm self publishing on Kindle! ^__^

Today, I started looking into the copyright laws in the US, UK, and Canada, and I hope to have a draft up on KDP by tonight! Scratch that, I will have it up! And you know the main reason why? It's because I realized why I must publish this book.

It came to me yesterday, but that's beside the point. For the longest time I've thought that the reason to publish was to succeed. To get paid for my hard work, and to have people like it. But I remembered yesterday how the book began (almost four years ago) and it made me realize that this goal with my book was not cutting it. That I was actually going to continue procrastinating publishing my book (yes, that's a confession) if the only reason to do so was to get famous and make money as an author.

You see, the book began as hope. It had its roots in innocence and got its source of nutrients from Love. More about all that in a later post. I had forgotten that! I had forgotten the original feel and vision of my book because of the overwhelming drive to succeed that permeates the very air we breathe in the world today. Now that I remember, though, I know what I must do. I have made rosade, and the purpose for doing so is so that I can share it with all.

That's what I've wanted from the beginning! To capture the feel that God gave me through the story and give it back out to anyone who reads it. That's what I want to do. That is my decided, and now stated, one and only goal with my book.

I want to share the hope of The Flying Fix-It Shop with anyone who cares to partake of it. I want to share the laughter and joy, the feeling of innocence and heart-touching that started it all. I wanted to capture it all in that book, and I realized that I would only ever willing let it go if I felt like I was sharing it with someone. So, that's the reason I shall publish this book.

And now I'm feeling happy again and back on track. Thank you, God. Thank you for giving me roses. ^__^

Forgotten

It's a terrible thing to do, forget. But it's even worse to be. When you forget yourself… That's the worst of both worlds.

Today, I remembered deep, azure skies. Thick, white mountains of cloud drifting by. I remembered a warm wind, a ghost of it at the back of my mind. But above it all, I remembered a younger heart. My heart. There was peace there, and a warmth that made the wind feel chill. The smile it recalls is soft and easy. There is a hope that radiates out of my heart, a fire that seems unquenchable. How can I have forgotten?

Life, it seems. I let it run me over trying to stay on top. I forgot that day in August, somehow… But God brought it back to mind today. That hope, that fire, that happy smile. It's mine again, and I feel like I'm ready to tackle anything. ^__^

Sweet, Sour, Happy, Sad

A breath of silver
A breath of gold,
Something precious
Never told.

There's pain in their hearts
And blood on their hands!
Someday will come
Your reprimands!

A choice word spoken
Is better than life.
And the silence broken
Will mend much strife.

But your eyes are averted
You don't know such things.
The callous in your eyes,
The cold that it brings…

Look For Me Past The Emerald Hills

    I stepped down the stairs. (Or did I float?) The jaded halls were nothing more than color to me, and it made me laugh. Tear-drop stains on mahogany rugs give me shivers of half sympathy, half joy. The window at the bottom of the spiral slid open without a sound.
    People say, "Life is but a dream," but what they really mean is, "What is life without dreams?" A monotonous stream of forgettable instances that never really mattered in the first place? What are dreams, then? There are those you have and those you want, if you know what I mean.
    Do you know? The street lights claimed to, as I drifted passed. "The sky's the limit!" they say as well, but they never say where it begins. The stars seem so close in their artificiality, but the enormity of their reality is truly so far away. But I can travel there in the blink of an eye…
    There are the hills, and I stray from my meanderings. Do I know it all? Do I know enough? No, and yes, respectively. There's the bus, crying mournfully as it comes to rest. The rain falls in patterns on the funny little roofs here… Now the hills are much closer.
    What do I know enough of? I know my Lord Jesus. And He knows me.
    Such hills! They must have a spring under them somewhere. They're such a deep green they must glow! (In this dusk, at least.) I'm making for them properly now. The bus has rumbled to life again and its eyes go dancing away into the rain.
    I don't pretend to ramble, I do ramble. And such nonsense, too! I should get points for that. But you'll get points if you know what I mean. That is, if you do… Feelings are sometimes such hard things to grasp, and all the time even harder to touch on.
    It's far easier to float with them, as I do now. I'm among the hills. Life calls out to me, calling His name. Once a bare hill outside Jerusalem, now lusher with Life than the liveliest of men. He who seeks to save his life dreams for himself, but he who loses himself lives Life's dreams. The great success of men are the simplest plans of God.
    So, I dream and I float, but I'm not long gone. Only a stone's throw away, far past the Emerald Hills. Don't worry for me, I'll wake with the dawn. On the crystal clear day, somewhere past the Emerald Hills.

Blogging, A Dead Horse

You, all of you, have no idea how many of these blog entries I want to begin with, "Okay, so…" and then go on to make profuse apologies about one thing or another that I have failed at miserably at. It happens more times than I can count, except that the reason I was going to start this blog entry with regretful mourning sorta precludes that from being true… (It's only really true because I do it across more than one medium.)

You see, I am tearfully sorry that I have failed to crank out blog entries more often. But instead of saying all that (oh, too late…), I'm going to focus on praising. Yes, the positive instead of the negative, you say. That's part of it, but really praising is the reason I started this particular blog entry. Frankly, I've had a wonderful day and I would like to thank God publicly for making it so.

I was terrified of today. I wanted it not to happen. But, it did, and I pulled myself out of bed at 4 AM still terrified. So, right after I hit the alarm clock, I got on my knees and gave the day away. I gave it to God because I could see no good coming of it if I went at it alone. I knew I had to preform a little better, a little faster today then I had previously, and I knew I didn't have it in me at all. So, I thanked God for the day, I gave it away to Him (after all, it was rightfully His anyways. He brought it into being, made it be), and prayed fervently that He would empower me to get through it all better, faster, and in a way pleasing Him and glorifying to Him.

And He fully, and completely answered those prayers. He gave me love for my work and co-workers that felt odd, but made me smile. He granted me joy in a joyless situation (I got to work and the manager didn't show up, making it impossible to get in and prep for opening! =D). He filled me with peace as we worked through the emergency. He bestowed on me patience far above what I could ever produce. He made me feel kind, and I sincerely hope it showed through me (because, folks, that wasn't me). I sincerely believe that He accomplished something good with me today, which makes me giddy. He made in me more faithfulness then this fickle human being could ever have imagined. He changed my approach, made it gentle and soft. And He grew in me a self-control that made ever decision a firm resolve.

And that's about all I can say. God is so completely amazing. I gave Him the day, and He gave it right back to me. ^__^ It was an awesome day, thanks alone to my Lord Jesus Christ. Thank You.